Today we went to Iris ministries. They are big centers here in Mozambique for children...they provide housing, food, schooling, medicine etc for as many kids as they can fit into the center. This is also where my house brother Luis grew up once he was off the streets. They are amazing. The theme of my trip here in Africa seems to be meeting people that are sold out, and completely on fire for God! I met a girl at Iris from Seattle. God is so good to give me a little taste of home. She looked me straight in the eye and asked me if I was being called to Africa. I told her that I wanted to be, but that the Lord is teaching me to just walk with him... As we walked away from Iris I started to cry. I want so badly for the Lord to call me to this place. For him to say that it is ok to drop everything back home and jump into life here, but there has not been such a word from the Lord. It makes me wonder if it is just my lack of faith or me not making the decision to stay. I don't know how to leave this place...even as I type this in the internet cafe I am starting to cry. This is my home...my other home. I thought that when I came here the Lord would give me a dream or a purpose for time in Africa in the future, but he hasn't...its so hard for me to leave not knowing when I will be able to come back...I will die if I don't come back. Start praying now that the Lord will provide a way.
But GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!! What I am realizing is that God is taking me on a journey...there is no grand calling, no super purpose, its a journey. I will be traveling over mountains and rivers with Him....sometimes it will be hard, but I get to have an adventure with him...its called life!!! How lucky am I that my Lord and creator, lover and friend, has taken my hand, smiled at me, and walks with me just barely a step ahead...I get to do life with God! I don't know what all this means yet...and the words in this blog do not scratch the surface of what I am feeling in my heart and mind, but I have never felt so loved, so excited, so pursued, by God. I am just clinging to the hope that this feeling, this life that I know with the Lord here and now is not a mountain top experience, but it is something that lasts when I get home...I don't know what I would do without the Lord. I know that there are seasons...waiting for example...but what is amazing is somewhere a flip has been switched, a light has been turned on, and I realize the amazing gift to be able to wait with God...NOT FOR GOD...to wait with him. Basically I can't get enough of him right now.
So in the midst of the frustration and sadness of leaving this place, God has been faithful to love me, teach me, and grow me into more of the woman that he wants me to be.